Uncategorized

The Point of Journey is not to Arrive

The title is part of the lyrics to one of my favorite Rush songs, Prime Mover.

One of my friends (several of you probably know her) is on an unexpected journey. But it is a journey we all should take, a journey of self-discovery. Finding out who we really are. And too often it is a traumatic event that starts these journeys. Some thing happens to make one wonder and doubt if you really are who you think you are.

I have often remarked that it sucks that life is lived in first person. I mean an omniscient narrator would be nice. You know exactly who you are, who those around you are, and when someone makes a dumb plan. It would be very neat and tidy if it was. But as it is first person, we rely on our own point of view (often the only one we have) and it is only when we go through self discovery that we learn who we truly are.

Most times, we are pretty close to who we think we are. There may be a small number of significant flaws that need correcting but the bigger part of who we are is the same. A good person might be arrogant about their abilities and learns humility. They are still that good person but now a bit better. Sometimes we discover a past event that is unduly coloring our behavior and learn to overcome it. Therapy is good. Rarely, we learn that we should be radically different or even worse than we were but that is rare.

So I said to my friend, ” maybe you will end up finding the person I believe you are.” Like I said, first person sucks. But what did I mean by that? Too often we think one thing about ourselves but others see something else. Others might see us as strong but they don’t see the self-doubt that nags us. I could go on but you probably understand. But I meant to my friend, “I hope you find in you what you unknowing offer the rest of us all the time.” Or rather, I hope she sees herself as we the third person observers see her. We often treat ourselves worse than we treat others.

As the song says, the point of the journey is not to arrive. It is to keep seeking. The answer is always slightly out of reach. It doesn’t finally resolve. That might sound scary. But as the song goes on to say “Anything can happen.” It is meant in wonder and awe, not in fear. And later, the song reminds us, “the point of departure is not to return.” This journey is to leave where you are now in your view of yourself, grow and change, and not be that same person again. Some times that change is only a small thing. But small things can be important things.

One last rambling thought. I have been reading a lot of Buddhist philosophy. If we are to treat all with compassion, then we too must treat ourselves with compassion. We must correct things when we make mistakes but we need to forgive ourselves for our mistakes. None are perfect. We are worthy of our own love.

Good luck and fair winds, my friend. I will be here when you figure it out.

Uncategorized

I need a Hero

Thanks to some SCA friends, I have discovered the secret rogue server for City of Heroes (CoH). It wasn’t a big secret and we will see if it is allowed to continue to exist.

I played CoH with my family many years ago. The boys were pretty little when we started. I am pretty sure it was the first MMO game that any of us had ever played. And we stopped for a variety of reasons. The constant spinning around and light show was painful for Gertie. The layouts were stale and predictable. By the mid-30s, the grind was exhausting. And we found other games more fun.

But I had always had a bit of nostalgia for it. Every now and again, I would want to go back. I did go back for a little while. It was F2P then. I made like 1,000,000,000 influence. It was boring by myself.

So why I am excited this time? There is a lot of good in CoH. The creation system is exceptional. And you feel powerful from level 1. At level 1, you look like a super hero. You have some of the powers of a superhero. You fight bad guys with guns. Compared to the first few levels of WoW, you are a poorly dressed humanoid with a crappy weapon fighting overgrown rats. That doesn’t not feel powerful.

I might still be playing alone. My kids might come back to play with me. And I did roll on a server that other scadians said they were on but I haven’t run into any of them yet.

But it is nice to see Atlas Park again. And to superjump my way across zones. Landing in a bunch of purples in Perez Park brought back painful memories 🙂

I play different games for different reasons. WoW was for the community. Lotro is for the story. CoH is to feel useful. I like feeling useful.